I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
