Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
