Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
