i don't like sucking hair
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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