I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
