She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
