I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
