remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
