jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
