so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
