girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
