Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
