I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize