just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
