a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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