I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
