New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
what day is it and did you see me today?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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