Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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