I smell stomach acid.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
