HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
