You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
