she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
