stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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