My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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