i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize