the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
