i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
