Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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