Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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