piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
