I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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