Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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