I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
