If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
