chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
