I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
