Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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