i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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