I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
