i was born a porn star she said
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
