I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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