I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize