That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
