So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
