He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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