you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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