I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
