Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
