oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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