it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
