So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
