brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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