Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
