Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
