i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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