just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
