im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
