Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize