Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
