You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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