Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Damn victory sex feels great
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize