You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
