just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
