I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
