Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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