Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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