Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Im part way to drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
