Rock
Scissors
Fuck
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
