its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize