I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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